There is a saying: “Some of us look at the stars and the moon from below, others believe they are up there accompanying them, and others don’t even look at them.” And in all these cases the ego plays a fundamental role. The term ego comes from Latin and means I, a word that is used not only to refer to the psychological processes of a person, but is also included in other concepts of the human mind used in the field of psychiatry or psychoanalysis such as It is the superego or superego, egocentrism or egotism.
“It is said that a person begins to let himself be dominated by his ego when he only looks towards the instincts of his itThat is, when someone only pays attention to their most primary desires, there is no balance, so the ego and the being enter into a confrontation that can cause conflicts in the mind, and with other people,” describes Bárbara Bravo, psychologist specialist clinic in psychoanalytic psychotherapy and founder of Bárbara Bravo Psychologists.
As philosopher William George Ward said, “the pessimist complains of the wind; the optimist hopes it will change; the realist adjusts the sails.” This is what Marta Guerri, an expert psychologist in behavioral and health therapy, believes, who explains that, although people’s attitudes cannot be controlled or transformed, interventions can be made in them to help resolve uncomfortable everyday situations. or painful. “As a golden rule, you will never try to bring down the egocentric or narcissist. “You cannot change someone’s way of being, but we can intervene in their behavior, since an egocentric person can eventually develop a narcissistic disorder.”
This expert recommends stimulating any uncomfortable interaction and leading it towards self-reflection. “You can explain to him how his ego affects you, and instead of criticizing his character, tell him about the effects it has on you, for example: ‘It hurts me when you talk to me or act in this or that way.’ It is always better to keep the focus on the impact your words have than to attack your ego directly,” he recommends.
For her part, Sara Sanchís, a psychologist specialized in personal development, advises not to label or judge them. “First of all, it is recommended to be patient and remain benevolent with these types of profiles to avoid falling into lawsuits. We must understand why he acts this way and, to do so, we must take the trouble to get to know the person a little more,” he explains. According to this psychologist, if a genuine interest arises to deepen the relationship, it can help the person understand some of the motivations behind their actions, such as, for example, a complicated childhood. “By knowing your history, you can make you see the inconvenience of your actions or attitudes, and you can show you the disadvantages of your behavior, such as the loss of friends and family or the difficulty of maintaining true relationships,” he continues.
Dealing daily with these types of profiles can psychologically exhaust both the egomaniac and other people just by remaining in a constant state of alert. “In the end, in matters of ego, it is convenient for everyone to breathe before answering, avoid judgments and negative thoughts, adopt active listening and try to be as assertive as possible,” adds Sanchís.
For his part, Alejandro Sanz Giancola, psychiatrist at the Príncipe de Asturias Hospital in Alcalá de Henares, states how relationships with parents in the early stages of development influence an egocentric person. “They will condition our self-esteem, the ability to trust others or the possibility of emotionally self-regulating in stressful situations. So the weaker these constructions are, the more need the person will have to create a grandiose and defensive self-image,” he says. This expert recommends psychotherapy because it can help the egocentric person have the ability to detect their own feelings and thoughts as well as those of others. “In everyday life you could use formulas like: ‘I imagine, I feel, I believe…’ or from my experience, from my perspective, but in no case be categorical or try to hurt the self-esteem of the other,” he describes.
In fact, the research Factors that amplify and attenuate the egocentric mentalitypublished in January of this year in the scientific journal Nature and carried out by psychology experts from the Universities of California and Princeton, reviews some of the most popular characteristics of an inflated ego such as arrogance, condescension, lack of humility, being too competitive or needing to dominate and win in situations. relations. The research explains what behaviors can minimize interaction with an egomaniac, such as being tactful or not when criticizing them (always constructive), and setting firm and clear limits on interactions.
Inflated ego or narcissistic personality?
In reality, an overdeveloped ego distorts one’s thinking and perception of oneself in relation to what others perceive, that is, in the field of mental health, egocentrism and narcissism are not the same, although they share traits. “Egolatry, egocentrism and narcissism are part of the popular lexicon, but all three share a common principle in their definition: the exaltation of our self-esteem or self-esteem,” explains Sanz.
According to this expert, egocentrism, the grandiose regard for ourselves, represents the cornerstone of the narcissistic personality. “Being a narcissistic person is not the same as having narcissism. Narcissism is an inherent dimension of the human being that condenses the concept of love towards oneself, represented through the feeling of worth or the ideals of each person,” he points out. Thus, a lack of ego, for example, is not healthy either, as it prevents us from having a coherent sense of ourselves and hinders our personal empowerment. “We all have narcissism, that is, we all have self-love; “Normal narcissism is characterized by stable self-esteem, the ability to have satisfactory life experiences, possess an adequate value system, or enjoy careful and lasting interpersonal relationships,” he details.
However, we speak of pathological narcissism when self-esteem degenerates into the fantasy of omnipotence, and that is when problems arise. “When intense feelings of envy, devaluation, greed, dynamics of abuse towards third parties, deterioration in the ability to empathize with others, risky and even suicidal behaviors appear, we speak of a pathology,” explains Sanz. Well, narcissism is included in the Diagnostic Manual of Psychiatric Disorders (MSD), and it is in these cases when a person would need professional support. “There are very effective psychotherapies to work on aspects such as emotional instability or the ability to detect, imagine and interpret the feelings and thoughts of both your own and others,” he concludes.